Some people reading this have known me for years and will be aware of the struggles I have had with my mental health. Those who don’t know me, or I have met in more recent years may find it surprising to know that in 2010 I had a serious breakdown.
I ended up off work for most of the year and only able to return to teaching part time in order to ensure my health going forwards. I saw health care professionals at least twice weekly for most of this year and relied heavily on my wonderful husband, parents and in-laws as well as a few close friends to help me through.
Pregnancy with Bear helped me chose to come off medication for a long time and it wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I started to wobble and needed to return to taking medication to manage my mental health, as well as using the CBT strategies I have learnt more consistently and being mindful of my mental health.
I guess the reason I am sharing this now is that over the last few days I have had a real blip in how I am coping. I have felt stressed and anxious and been constantly on edge. I’ve felt like an observer rather than a participant in my life. It scares me.
On Thursday, after a day of two small boys pushing me past my limit I ended up in tears while putting them to bed. I was beyond coping and being calm. The boys are struggling too and grumpier, louder and more irritable than usual and it was just too much.
The two small boys are wonderful. When they saw I was crying they hugged me and told me I was the best mummy in the world and they love me. They made me get through bedtime and lifted me.
When hubby had finished his group chat we talked about how I was feeling. He’s been there and seen me at my lowest before and it’s safe to say that any sign of that returning terrifies both of us. We made a plan.
We acknowledged that we are living with something completely alien to us. It is OK to feel upset and overwhelmed at times, or even most of the time. We talked about what each of us could do to make it easier for the other to cope.
– We are going to take turns sometimes with bedtimes so one of us gets some light relief. – We are going to watch something funny on TV to make us laugh in the evenings. – We are going to make sure we each get time alone at some point each day, either to go for a walk, read, have a bath. – We are going to try and be mindful of each other and make an effort for each other.
So, the last few days have been tough. The small boys are beginning to be more settled again and so am I. Over the coming days and weeks I am going to make a conscious effort to practise self care by allowing myself time, and helping Hubby to do the same.
Searching for Rainbows 